Wednesday 28 November 2012

4. Beauty Of The End

*Thanku so much for the comments guys! Hope this is ok! Also some of the lyrics are tied to Nicki and some are what Drake is feeling too, I'll try and make it clear in the chapters though! :)*

He just lay for a few minutes before gathering the will to actually get out of bed. Last night was all a complete blur to be honest, he couldn't believe she'd just left like that. He knew there was feelings there whether she was picturing Kai or not. There was definitely something there. He managed to have a quick breakfast before throwing on his uniform and heading to the gym.

Across town she was sat silently on her couch, the memories of last night stuck in her mind. He probably thought she was such a bitch for the way she was with him and then just leaving in the morning but truthfully she was scared. No matter how hard she tried to keep her thoughts on Kai they just kept slipping away. It was as if the more she was enjoying being with Drake the faster Kai's existence was disappearing. That was nonsense in reality but not in her mind it wasn't, her heart was telling her to talk to him but she wasn't even sure if he'd face her. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to see her but she knew she had to at least try. Tightening her robe around her waist she stood up and decided to get ready for work, she'd call in and see him on her way home tonight then she would have had some time to think.

***

He threw his phone down in defeat after calling her for the seventh time, she wasn't picking up on any of his calls and the day was practically over. Conversing briefly with a co-worker her tore off his apron and hung it up before heading home. He always walked, it just made more sense to him since the kebab place was so close. Keeping his head down he kicked at random pieces of litter  before looking up at the steps they'd been on only the previous night. His attention was quickly pulled in the direction of the bottom corner of the second step. She was sat there waiting. There was silence for a while, the city buzz filling in the empty air.

"You forget how to answer a phone Onika?" His raised brows and sleepy eyes made her look down at her phone momentarily before waving it.

"Battery died at work."

"What're you doin' sat alone in the dark?"

"Waitin' for you." She was about to stand but he took a seat next to her on the stone step.

"So, are we gonna pretend last night didn't happen or actually talk about it?" His voice was husky in comparison to how soft hers was.

"I'on even know what to say Drake."

"You wanna say it was a mistake though don't you?"

"Is that what you think it was?"

"Honestly? No. Bein' with you last night really meant somethin' to me but I don't think you can say the same thing." She felt the tears coming as she cringed. If only he really knew what she was feeling but it was just too soon. She couldn't let go of Kai and it would be cruel of her to play with Drake's emotions. Now came the hard part. She didn't want to lie to him but she had to.

"I shouldn't have let things get as far as they did." She choked up a little seeing how sad his face looked before she whispered out the last of her sentence. "I'm sorry."

Maybe one day you will understand that I had to, I did it all for you.

"He's holdin' you back ain't he?"

"You mean Kai?" He only nodded in response as she sniffed and wiped away the tears.

"I can't let go of him Drake."

"You can't or won't?" His sudden change in tone caught her off guard in her teary state.

"Are you for fucking real right now?"

"No, can't you tell I'm jokin'? I'm crackin' up inside right now Nic." He knew he was acting like a spoilt kid who couldn't get his own way but it was his method of dealing with the rejection.

"Y'know what? I didn't come here for this, for you to act like I'm feelin' this way on purpose! You of all people should know what I'm goin' through Drake! I'm hurting! And what I don't need is you makin' me feel guilty for that!" She was completely breathless at that point with her angry outburst and the amount of crying she was doing combined.

"When are you gonna understand that he's not comin' back?! And that you waitin' around is completely pointless! He's gone Nicki." His voice softened considerably noticing just how much he was upsetting her. "Y'know? He told me a long while back that if he was to die, he wanted me to look out for you. That's a responsibility that I wanna stand by but I can't keep goin' like this." He licked his lips and stared forward before rubbing his hand over his head. "So, you're definitely sayin' that last night meant nothing to you?" He tried to mask the tremor in his voice but she still heard it.

"Im sorry." She whispered it once again whilst he laughed humourlessly and dropped his head. Trying to grab his hand she felt the sting of her actions when he pulled away.

"Aight, that's all I wanted to know. I'll just..." He let his words disappear before picking up where he left off once he was on his feet staring down at her. "I'll just speak to you tomorrow I guess. Goodnight Nicki." She didn't have to see his tears to know he was hurt. It was completely obvious in his body language and voice as he took a few steps back before turning and walking away from her. She knew he could hear her crying as he kept walking. The absolute urge to turn around and go sit with her was unbearable but he couldn't expose himself to that much pain. He was done with mourning his best friend and now feeling the pain of not being able to be with her.

Falling never hurts but landing does.

Waking early the next morning she just lay still, having absolutely no energy from crying almost all night. The room was quiet and all she could hear was cars outside her window. Stretching her arms she felt her right one hit the pillow next to her. Kai's pillow.

I miss you in the mornings been up all night, delicately whisper I'll be alright.

Honestly her thoughts had been running wild last night. Drake was right. Kai was never coming back, ever. Yet she was waiting around as if he was going to walk through the door at any moment. Was she being a fool for not letting go? Her face was clearly puzzled and even she saw that as she looked at herself in the mirror whilst brushing her teeth. If anyone could see her they'd probably say she belongs in a mental institution as she sat on her lounge room floor with photos, letters and notes scattered around her. You could hardly even see her hardwood floor for all the stuff spread out. She'd been sat for hours sifting through all the memories. As she looked at each and every photo it was as if the silence disappeared and the noise of what was happening in the photo filled the room. But of course that same silence returned as soon as she checked back into reality.

I miss you in the moments when it all stops, listen to the silence that hurts my heart.

Quickly removing the silence she opened another box of photos and continued to look through them all. Some of them made her smile heartwarmingly whilst others made her laugh hysterically. Especially the ones of Kai and Drake. They were always insanely goofy. For those few moments when she was laughing she kept on feeling as though he was still with her, going through their stuff. But he wasn't.

I miss you when I'm laughing you're very near, but then I open up my eyes and you're not here.

After hours of sitting alone doing her reminiscing she felt as though she had her thoughts and feelings collected and now came the time to put it on paper. Ever since she was young she'd always write out her feelings. Mainly because she was never one to spill her feelings to people so she found comfort in writing them out. This time was a little different though, this was a letter to her fiance, her best-friend and her life. Kai. Obviously not one she'd send but one that would signify to her, the beauty of the end.

So I'll write this letter that I'll never send, just so I'll remember the beauty of the end.
And I'll write this letter to my long lost friend so it stays with me forever, the beauty of the end.

She was writing for what seemed like an eternity but it was something she felt like she had to do. She was expelling all the hung up feelings surrounding Kai to make room for new feelings. Of course he would always would have an important place in her heart but she couldn't stop thinking about Drake or what he'd said. He was one hundred percent right. It was a case of not being able to let go of Kai or not wanting to. Realising that just because she enjoyed being with Drake that night and that she felt strongly for him it didn't mean that she was erasing Kai's memory or her love for him. Still sitting in thought after she'd finished her letter she was debating her next move, going purely off of what her heart was telling her she jumped up without hesitation and threw some clothes on before heading to her car manically.

And I'm just as scared as you about this freedom but I need to run with the wind.
And I know right now you think there's no reason but you'll see, please trust me.
Nothing in life is easy. 

Not even taking the time to check if she'd parked well she jumped out of her car, being temporarily rained on until she reached his apartment block. Doing the same dash up three flights of stairs she speed walked all the way to his door and knocked nervously. This was part of what she was missing, just going off of a whim. Not planning what she was doing. Her life for the past few months had been so routinised it was pretty much drilled into her. One thing was for sure though, whenever she was with Drake that same feeling of spontaneity made its way back into her life. Something she'd been both craving and missing. Checking her watch she bit her lip and knocked again before looking out of the hallway window. He wasn't in. His motorcycle was gone. She pulled out her phone and called him but he wasn't answering.

"Come on Drake, please pick up." Suddenly hearing a door open behind her she saw Drake's neighbour looking in her direction.

"Are you looking for Drake dear?"

"Yeah? Did he say where he was goin'?"

"No he didn't, but he did tell me to give you this." The old woman, whom Nicki had met a few times, handed her an envelope with her name scribbled across the front.

"Thank you." The elderly lady went back inside and left her with confused look on her face as she ripped the letter out and began to read.

...

*Hope this was okay guys! It's 2:30am here, that's how dedicated I am lmao!! Anyway I'm FAR too tired to be writing another chapter now so I'll do SMF tomorrow :)) Thanks for the comments on the last chapter ^_^*

Sunday 25 November 2012

3. Agony

*Okay so here is chapter three ^_^ Thanku to the people who commented :)) Hope this is ok and I tried to make it a little longer too :)*

The hours passed turned into days, then weeks. Before she knew it almost eight months had gone by since her traumatic experience. One she could only describe as a living hell. She still wasn't back to the same old Nicki and something deep inside her was saying that she would never be the same again. Throughout the weeks Drake had been her support system, he was always there when she felt like crying and she was always there for him too. Mama Carol could see her in deep thought before she interrupted her.

"What're you thinkin' Onika?" Her voice was soft and inquisitive as she switched the hold she had on her coffee mug, sitting with her sockless feet resting on the footstool.

"Nothin', I'm just tired." She smiled at her Mother and checked the time on her phone. "I'mma go out for a bit. I'll be home later, don't wait up for me." She grabbed her purse and said goodbye to her parents before leaving the house. It was almost 9pm and as much as Carol wanted to stop her from going out she knew her daughter was grown.

"Carol, she'll be fine. We should be thankful that she's even leavin' the house at all." Robert raised his brows knowing he was right.

"I know, it's just....She's going to see him."

"And? What's wrong with that? He's her friend." His hands were resting on the arms of his chair as he looked over her troubled face.

"I'm just worried she's doing it for the wrong reasons." Sipping some more coffee she sighed into the mug.

"And what might those reasons be?"

"Well, we all know how close he and Kai were. I just think she's seeing him more and more because it's like she's with him when she's with Drake."

"That's a little far-fetched don't you think?" He frowned as he processed the idea, in a way his wife could be right.

***

The cold air was stinging her face as it hit her cheeks, but for some weird reason she liked it. The sensation helped make her feel alive, something she was struggling to feel since she had to bury the two most important people in her life. Except Drake of course. There was something about his being that made her feel a part of the world again. She smiled thinking about the time she and Kai had surprised him for his birthday. He actually looked like a child as Kai removed his hands from over his eyes and there sat before him was a motorcycle. A pretty extravagant present for a friend most would agree but Drake was like a brother to him and he was raking in more than enough money to splash out on such a present. The last present he ever got him. As she got further down the sidewalk she took in the air, smelling the familiar aroma of kebabs. The street was busy with night traffic which she escaped when she entered the food place. It was empty inside so she could already hear him singing in the back and decided to listen for a while before pressing the bell not once but multiple times.

"Aight I'm coming! Jesus!" He appeared stony faced before he lay eyes on a grinning Nicki and laughed sheepishly. "Shoulda known it was you." He untied his apron, letting it fall loose as it hung from his neck. "What you doin' here? I thought you were comin' over to mine later?"

"Yeah I was but I got bored at home. And who said I came to see you? I mighta wanted a kebab." She set her purse on the counter and took a seat on one of the stools.

"Oh? So you wanna experience my amazin' food?" Widening his eyes he stood next to the meat skewers and used his arms to present it.

"Oh my God, I can't! You're so goofy, just gimme the favourite."

"Comin' right up. And this one's on the house, just for you." He winked and ran out the back to grab some stuff. When he returned he prepared her food and handed it to her.

"What time do you get outta here?" She covered her mouth politely as she ate whilst he glanced at the clock.

"In exactly two minutes. But I gotta close up shop so you just sit and eat whilst I do all the usual shit."

After closing up the shop when she'd finished eating they were walking slowly down the sidewalk, hand in hand. Understandably a lot of people had mistaken them for a couple but truthfully they were just incredibly close, even more so since they became more reliant on one another. Swinging their connected hands she looked up seeing the famous steps, the ones leading up to the Philadelphia museum. The 'Rocky' steps as most people called them.

"Let's go up there." She pointed with her free hand and peered up at his face, he looked reluctant.

"That's a lotta steps Nic. You sure?"

"There's seventy-two actually, Kai counted 'em once. He's so silly, he miscounted and actually went all the way back down just to start again." She was laughing in between words as he smiled thinking about it. "Come on, I'll piggy-back you if you get tired?"

"Don't lie Onika." His smirk made her punch him lightly before dragging him towards the steps.

"Let's go boy, start climbin'." She wished she'd never opened her mouth when he set off full pelt up the steps with her still in his grasp.

"No wait! How you abouta run all the way up?! My legs are shorter than yours asshole!" Slowing down he looked back at her pouting face and crouched a little.

"Hop on."

"What?"

"Get on, I'll carry you up."

"Nigga, if you drop me..." She sucked air through her teeth before jumping carefully on to his back. Securing her legs he set off slowly before gradually getting quicker and quicker. She was giggling at first but when he started doing the 'Rocky' theme tune she almost died from not breathing. He was laughing uncontrollably too by the time they reached the top. After setting her down he lay dramatically on his back.

"Oh shit, that was a lung burner." He rubbed at his heaving chest as she crawled over to him, laying on her back too.

"It looks so different at night." She was referring to Philadelphia, the view they had of the city right now was completely different in the evening compared to when she was last up there with Kai.

"I know, it's quieter too."

"Apart from your gaspin' ass." She nudged into him gently and giggled.

"Hey, I did pretty damn well! Don't knock me." Laughing again she sat her self up and butt shuffled to the top step and sat on it sweetly as she stared over the illuminated city. He just watched her for a moment before deciding to join her.

"Do you think he can see us?" There was no need for her to name who she was talking about and the silence grew louder as he thought.

"You really wanna know what I think?" His voice was soft and his head tilted back as he looked up.

"Mhm." The fact that her lips were folded exaggerated her answer before she gently took his hand in hers.

"I think that whether he can see us or not doesn't even matter. You know why?"

"Why?"

"'Cause he'll forever be in here." His hand rested gently over where his heart was. Her eyes were glued to that very hand before her focus moved up to his face. She'd never noticed his looks before but right in that very moment she took advantage of every part of it under the glow of the moon and the city lights.

Everyone says you're bad for my head but I'm in denial, one look at your face I'm back in that place, I'm feelin' the fire.

They stayed still for a few seconds as she carried on studying his features, in a way they were amazingly similar to Kai's, from his light skin to the look of lust in his eyes whenever he looked at her. He jumped at the feeling of goosebumps travelling across his skin when her hand caressed the side of his face. Before she had chance to decide if she wanted to move in on him he beat her to it. The feeling he gave her was beyond description. The intensity, the urgency and the passion all in that one gesture had her wanting more. Their lips remained locked for a few minutes whilst they increased the amount of feeling being put into their actions.

Save me, save me with your kisses.

Entering his apartment with his back first they never once pulled apart as he lead them blindly to the bedroom. He could feel her hands running up and down his sides as he mirrored the movement but on her back, their tongues set free to explore the others mouth. Letting her fall back on to the bed he hovered over her panting face after pulling away from the kiss, her eyes were half open with desire.

You'll be addicted, I'll be inflicted.

She knew this was wrong. Not literally, but in her mind she was betraying Kai and his memory, it was killing her but the fight was gone. She wanted him to stop so badly but the rush of urgency and passion she was experiencing was making her want him to carry on. Feeling her panties sliding down her thighs she threw her head back in anticipation, whether it was for this to be over or for the pleasure he was about give her? She really didn't know. His kisses marked her glistening skin as his lips continued to travel all over her body, her bra had already come off but she couldn't remember when or how. She gave up trying to remember when his mouth closed around her right nipple, he was feeding off of her moans as she panted them out breathlessly.

"Mmm Kai." He stopped momentarily when he heard what she called him but feeling her grip him through his boxers he tore the fabric off and kept up his movements. She wanted it just as badly as he did and that became fact after he slowly entered her. He could feel her fingernails digging into the skin of his back and grunted into her neck whilst she moaned out continuously. He knew she was calling Kai's name but he couldn't just stop, not for that reason alone but he felt his suppressed feelings for her being re-ignited with each stroke.

You'll be my sorrow, we both know it shows.

Her thoughts and emotions were all over the place, caught up in the moment she wanted him but she was envisioning Kai. Never once opening her eyes she let Drake pleasure her and love her like she loved Kai but she couldn't help from wanting to pull away. With endless thoughts, memories and images of her deceased fiance running through her mind she exhaled steadily and kept her mind focused on him. Imagining him.

Use me, take me home and use me. Press your hands into my body.

He knew what was happening, she was using him and he wanted to stop but he couldn't. She was using his body as a substitute, blocking out his face she was concentrating one hundred percent on Kai. Feeling her walls tightening around his shaft he too felt himself nearing his climax. Her soft moans had turned into louder ones as his strokes got faster with each thrust. Their bodies covered in sweat and her eyes still fused shut, her head to the side. She couldn't even look at him.

Running, we will not escape this, shake this.

This is agony but it's still a thrill to me, this could end in tragedy.

He pulled out and groaned as he came on the sheets before olling over to lay next to her and regaining his breath. He cooled down slowly as he listened to her recovering gasps. She was still facing away from him and had pulled the covers over herself to hide her heaving and vulnerable body. They never spoke another word before falling to sleep in the exact positions they lay. Needless to say she was gone when he awoke the next morning.

*Okay I'm not sure about how this was 'cause I've never incorporated lyrics into a fic before so I hope this was alright :/// PLEASE TELL ME IF IT WASN'T BECAUSE THEN I'LL KNOW NOT TO DO IT FOR THE OTHER CHAPTERS! That had to be in capitals so you all could see it ^_^ I don't wanna keep doing it if you readers don't like it :) Also the lyrics aren't in order I just extracted them from the song and used them where I thought they fit nicely :) Thanku for previous comments ^_^ Oh and once again, the song was 'Agony' by Paloma Faith ^-^*

Thursday 22 November 2012

2. My Legs Are Weak

*So here is chapter 2, hope it's ok :)) Oh and for Onikafaree readers I'm gonna post on Forever Young later ^_^ Oh and some of you might notice that the blog title and all of the chapters (except chapter one) are named after Paloma Faith songs or lyrics by Paloma, so I'm just crediting that ^_^ I'm trying to match the song with the chapter but for some of them it doesn't really work XD By the way 'My Legs Are Weak' isn't one of my favourites :/ it just kind of suited the chapter :)*

Shutting her bedroom door Mama Carol sighed miserably. It had been two days since Nicki had given birth to her stillborn baby boy and she hadn't eaten, spoken or moved since she climbed into bed. They'd managed to talk her into living with them for a few days whilst she got herself back together.

"How is she?" Jelani's husked voice asked sympathetically.

"The same as she was when she got here." The worry and sadness in her tone was obvious to her son as he enveloped her in a comforting hug.

"She'll get through this. I know it."

"I hope you're right Jelani." She shook her head in attempt to shake the tears away as she closed Nicki's door again. "Anyway, enough of the tears! We have to be strong for her." She smiled tiredly and rubbed her son's muscular bicep. "I'm gonna go make a start on dinner, hopefully we can get her to eat a little something." She moved away and started down the stairs again as he watched her disappear. Looking back at Nicki's slightly ajar door he pushed it open gently with his index finger and entered cautiously. She was alseep and quite honestly he didn't blame her. Everything had crumbled around her in the last few months, he had no doubt in his mind that it was Kai's sudden, tragic death that had caused her baby to die too. The guilt, sorrow and complete heart ache she was experiencing was murderous. Literally. 

Flashback

"Kai, where are we goin'?"

"I told you it's a surprise, now come on. Keep up." He smiled and tugged her hand as they walked down the sidewalk. They'd just been for Nicki's six month scan and checkup. Kai wanted to do something to celebrate the news that they'd soon be proud parents to a baby boy.

"You know I don't like surprises, just tell me? Please? I'll act surprised I promise."

"No Nicki." He smiled at her impatience and kept tight hold of her hand as they continued walking. They were close to the place he wanted to take her. It was a new restaurant at the docks, it was actually a boat that had been renovated to be an eatery and it really was a boat. It was just stationed at the docking area day in day out.

"Wait, we're not gonna be walkin' on the sand are we? Look at my shoes, and it's freezin' and dark-"

"Nicki we're not steppin' foot on any sand, just wait and see." She felt a warm smile spreading over her face, she loved him with all her heart. They knew one another inside and out. Tightening her grip on his hand she moved closer into his side but both stopped abruptly when a hooded figure obstructed their pathway. "Excuse me sir." Kai nodded his head warily and attempted to get around the man, making sure to keep Nicki close.

"Stop." They both did as he said and Nicki looked up at Kai's face to see what his reaction was, he looked nervous. "Gimme everythin' you got on you." The stranger's stance and body language was jittery, which came across as more frightening to Nicki as he seemed unpredictable.

"Do as he says Nic." He let go of her momentarily as he removed his watch, handing it to this undetectable person. "Here just hand him your purse-" Before he could finish his sentence as he grabbed Nicki's purse the man panicked and snatched a gun from the back of his pants. Pointing it in Nicki's direction Kai didn't think twice before instinctively stepping between the two of them. Everything was a blur to her after she heard the shot. Only seeing the random stranger bolt in the opposite direction after grabbing her purse as Kai's whole body crumpled into her arms. Her voice was caught in her throat as she fell to her knees with the weight of his body relaxing into her. The sound of her heart-wrenching cries brought people to the street after hearing a gunshot too. She'd ripped her scarf and jacket off to try and push it to his heaving chest. The way he clutched at her hand as he stared at her face was enough to let her know that he was slipping away. She saw it. She actually saw the life leave his eyes as a man behind her tried to pull her away from his body. She couldn't leave him, his body was still warm in contrast to the cool concrete of the side walk, now layered with his blood. Onlookers weren't lying when they told police that he screams were blood-curdling as they echoed through the empty street. Just like that, she felt like her heart had been ripped from her very body.

End of Flashback

Jelani threw his head back out of his hands when he heard her wake with a gasp. He moved over to her quickly, sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Shh, you're okay." He pulled her as close as possible after hearing her sobs. She didn't stop for the whole hour he held her, just crying silently into his chest. This was killing him. He'd never seen her like this before and never wanted to again but he knew it was going to be a long road to recovery. It had become a cycle that she'd adopted, either she would stay awake to avoid slipping back into thoughts and dreams only to wake and be like she was now or she would just sleep for hours and hours on end so she wouldn't have to face reality. Whichever option she chose she always had to face facts anyway, that was the hard part. There was no escape. 

Woke up this morning and hoped for a dream, but reality sat next to me and forced me to believe.

Once she drifted off again Jelani made his way down to the kitchen after hearing Mama Carol shout that food was ready. His parents and Cai felt their moods dampen seeing his pale tired face. They guessed he was upstairs with her.

"She's not comin' to eat with us?" Seven-year-old Cai asked sadly. He knew she was upset and had been in hospital but he missed his sister.

"Not today kiddo." Jelani scrubbed his rough, calloused hands over his little brother's short curls. "She's tired." He switched eye contact between Robert and Carol, it was affecting the whole family. But what they were feeling was probably only a fraction of the pain that Nicki was enduring right now. There was no way he could imagine having to bury his girlfriend and daughter Tia within the same month. It'd kill him. Silence cascaded over the dinner table as they all said grace and cut into their meals. Carol was trying to keep things cheery for Cai but everyone could hear the crack in her voice. Just as she stood to clear away their plates and hand out dessert she stopped briskly seeing Nicki's tiny frame stood in the doorway. Following the direction of her focus they all rotated their heads in the same manner. Quickly pulling out a chair for her, Jelani ran his hands over his jeaned legs anxiously. The last time she'd made it this far she saw everyone's expectant faces and broke down. Not this time though, she slowly took a seat in between her two brothers without saying a word.

"Do you want a plate dishing up?" She only nodded small in response. Hearing Cai's chair scraping on the tiles she turned to look at him but found herself being embraced by his tiny arms.

"I'm glad you're okay Nicki." He could feel her shaking and pulled back to study her tear-stained face. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Shaking her head no she pulled him back to hugging her. It was only a small step but she was getting there.

Across town he lay motionlessly on his made bed, surrounded by the memories and pictures. He couldn't do this on his own. He'd managed to hold himself together really well, until he cracked open a few bottles and delved into all the photos. Kai and Drake had been more or less inseparable since third grade, they were vastly opposite in more ways than one but seemed to just click. Nobody really understood it. Sitting up slowly he knocked the edge of the box and saw it slide off of the bed. He sighed and sat his glass down before kneeling to scoop all the papers up, a glimpse of colour caught his eye. Reaching out for the photo half covered by all the others he lifted up to his face and smiled. It was a picture of Kai and Nicki with Drake fooling around behind them. The smile faded as he thought about what she must be going through right now. He'd heard that their baby was stillborn, call him selfish but he was devastated purely for the fact that the baby would be the closest thing left to Kai and now he'd been cruelly snatched away too. His friend's drunken words echoed through his foggy thoughts. 

If I die tomorrow, I'mma trust you to watch out for Nic. For me, promise?

He was swaying and slurring at the time but he was more than serious when he said it. Looking back at the picture he wondered if anyone would ever see her pretty little dimpled smile again. How anyone could recover from what she'd been through he had no idea. One thing was certain though, he'd watch over her like his best friend asked. That was a promise he'd made and he intended to keep it. Sitting the picture on his night stand he kicked his shoes off and fell to sleep surrounded by the boxes of photos. 

Truthfully Kai had always been the smart one in their little duo. Drake had that element of "Mr Popular" about him, fending off any name-calling or other childish behaviour. Inevitably Kai went on to become a more than successful lawyer, leaving Drake in the dust. He did okay though, asides from moving between jobs constantly he managed to keep a steady income working at a Kebab shop in the evening and the gym during the day. He liked it which was what counted in his eyes. Things changed a little when Kai and Nicki started dating, he had less time for his struggling friend and was constantly with this girl. Initially he was jealous like any friend would be but after meeting Nicki they discovered that the three of them together were pretty dynamic. They all got along well and whenever they were together they'd always have fun. Life without Kai was going to be a lot less brighter, that was for sure.

***

"Look, she's really not up for any visitors right now. I'll tell her that you called by-" Robert was interrupted by his daughter's soft voice as she got closer behind him.

"Who is it?" Her Father stepped aside to reveal a very run-down looking Drake stood at their front door. He felt completely ridiculous when he noticed himself actually having to fight the tears. He hadn't seen Nicki since before the funeral, she was too bereaved to speak to anyone that day so he kept his distance. Robert felt his presence was fast becoming an intrusion and left when Nicki slowly stepped out of the doorway, wrapping her arms around a clearly inconsolable Drake. He returned the embrace and they just stayed the same for a minute or two before she pulled away.

"If he could see us right now!" Drake spoke and lightened the mood with a chuckle, reminding her that he would probably be laughing at them actually hugging instead of hitting for once. She and drake had a playful relationship, which never failed to amuse Kai at the best of times.

"I know, he's prolly laughin' up there." She smiled a little as she talked and wiped at her own tears whilst Drake blinked his away. 

Heading back inside she introduced him to her family since he'd never actually had the opportunity to meet them before. For the first time in a long time she felt like she had someone to talk to, obviously she could talk to her family but with Drake it was different. He'd not only lost a close person too but the same person, Kai meant the world to both of them. There was that sense that wherever Nicki was it felt like Kai was there too and the same with Drake. In each others company they felt like he was there with them, they knew that wasn't the case but it made them forget if only for a few minutes at a time.

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*Hope this was alriiight :/ I'll be posting again on any one of my blogs on sunday ^_^ Thanku for all the comments on the first chapter!* 

Sunday 18 November 2012

1. Broken

"That's it Nicki, you're doing really well." The nurse's hands felt cold and clammy on her bare legs. Silence drowned everything out, not the good kind either. More deathly than anything. "Take your time baby." Exhaling through her nose slowly she shut her eyes and let her head fall back. It was just herself and the nurse occupying the empty room.

"I can't." The words flowed from her mouth as a breath rather than a short sentence.

"You're almost there, just a couple more pushes and it'll be over." Feeling another contraction starting she shifted to a more comfortable position, she didn't want it to be over though. This moment would be the only one she'd share with this baby. Her first child. Once again the eery calmness of the room seemed to emphasise every uncomfortable, pain-filled breath she took. Those sharp breaths soon turned into heart-wrenching mewls as the tears left tiny glistening trails on her heated face. She knew giving birth was hard for any woman but it was so much more difficult for her. She'd only just entered her third trimester and at her scheduled appointment they could find no heartbeat. That day would be one she'd never forget, it was going to follow her to the grave. Just knowing that she was going through all of this and at the end of it all she'd be leaving empty-handed, snatching away all emotion and motivation from her mind. They'd induced her labour only a couple of hours ago and with the help of this one nurse she was about to meet her baby boy for the first and last time. "Okay the hard part's over Nicki, his head is out. Just keep breathing and focus on that."

"Mmm." She let the air leave her lungs in one long exhalation before speaking breathlessly. "It hurts so much."

"I know it does but it's almost over." She smiled sympathetically at the twenty-three year old laying on the bed in front of her, rubbing her leg comfortingly. "Nice deep breaths, okay?"

It went on for less than twenty more minutes before his tiny body was pulled from her, wrapped in a blue blanket and placed in her arms. She was reluctant at first, knowing that she'd never want to let him go. The nurse left her alone for a while, allowing her to savour the moment with him. She stroked his little hand before holding it in her own. He looked peaceful, which comforted her but didn't stop the sorrowful tears continue to stream from her eyes. He looked like his Dad, and she felt it was only right that he was named after such an honourable man. She had no doubt in her mind that he'd be up there looking out for his son, and someday they'd meet again. All three of them.

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* I just wanted to see how people would like this, obviously if nobody takes to it I'll just discontinue it :) Hope it was alright and yes it's DRICKI :))*